WILFUL NEGLIGENCE
by Desktop Dragon
Summary: *ONE SHOT* Written from Christians perspective. After a confrontation with Carrick about the pre-nup Ana takes it upon herself to point out all Carrick and Grace's failings as parents and to reiterate her devotion her complicated man. I DO NOT OWN FSOG OR ITS CHARACTERS.


**AUTHORS NOTE: This little ditty popped into my head after reading a magazine article about an abused child and how the authorities and people around the child spotted the red flags and changes in the child's demeanour and behaviour and acted upon it and helped the child concerned and it got me thinking and it wouldn't leave me alone till I got it down as something always bothered me about the FSOG stories and that was Grace and Carrick. **

**Yes, they were wealthy intelligent people who only wanted the best for Christian and who loved him dearly but there are (in my opinion) also a lot of unanswered questions, the main one being did they really do enough for Christian? The way I see it is Grace was not only his adoptive mother but she was also a Paediatrician. So surely she could see Christian was struggling throughout his childhood? Yet it appeared from what is said in the stories that she simply palmed him off on to a revolving door of therapists while she concentrated on her career. Christian's bitterness in the official story at being subjected to different forms of therapy over years told us that much. She respected his boundaries, that point is made throughout the story but surely that compounded his phobia rather than help him overcome it? So going on that why didn't Grace use his love of Mia and his lack of fear of her touching him as a starting point to help him overcome his phobia rather than let him suffer into adulthood? Then there is the whole Elena episode. My issues with this are once again that Grace is Paediatrician; she is not only his mother but she is a medical professional who is trained to see signs of abuse. I have touched on Grace's own guilt about this for not noticing in some of my other stories, but nobody has really ever called her out on it in any of the stories I have previously written or in any FF stories I have read so I figured this would be something truly original.**

**So in this short one shot story Ana takes it upon herself to point out all Carrick and Grace's failings as parents and is written from Christian's perspective and for the sake of this story Ana knows everything about Christian's past at this point in time. Enjoy.**

**I do not own FSOG or its characters.**

WILFUL NEGLIGENCE

We are walking back from the boathouse; I am hand in hand with my fiancée… fiancée! My heart is bursting I am so happy. I don't think I have _ever_ been as happy as I am at this moment. Ana has given me a life worth living and from this moment on I intend to live my life to the fullest, with this remarkable woman at my side. I give her a sly glance and see she also has a huge grin on her face. She takes my breath away. Not only is she the most physically beautiful person I have ever laid eyes on but her inner beauty is profound. She is gentle, caring and doesn't have a nasty bone in her body… and she loves me! I still have difficulty getting my head around that fact that this perfect creature loves fucked up me, the little shit from Detroit. She knows every last dirty secret about me and my past and yet remarkably and unbelievably she is still here, still by my side.

She did run and at the memory of that I feel the darkness inside me start to build. I quickly put that time out of my mind. I don't want to tarnish this wonderful moment with my previous stupidity, which nearly cost me the love of my life. When she agreed to return to me I opened up and told her everything. I wanted no secrets between us and I needed her to know as I also felt I needed to give her one honest chance to get away from me, I didn't want her to because by that point I realised I loved her so deeply it almost felt like I needed her to breathe, but I also knew it was the right thing to do as I didn't want our relationship to be built on secrets and lies, she deserved more... more, the thing she has given me in spades.

After she had heard everything she had simply held me in her arms and said thank you for telling me. I was a complete wreck as I expected her to get up and walk out and not look back but all she had been concerned about was my wellbeing, sharing so much and she told me once again that she loved me. I was so elated that I asked her there and then to marry me. She had been shocked and rightly so, she had told me it was too soon and we needed to rebuild our relationship before we jumped into marriage. She was right of course, Ana is always right.

That was a month ago and our relationship went from strength to strength and during that time I did manage to persuade her to move in with me and that gave me the courage to consider the idea of trying again with a proposal of marriage. So, now here we are on my birthday, a day which I normally try and forget and pretend had never happened. Not anymore, this day will now forever be associated with my beautiful Anastasia and the fact today she finally consented to be my wife. I had decided to try my luck again today and to ask her. When I got down on one knee in the boathouse surrounded by flowers and lights I had fully expected her to turn me down and once again say it was too soon, so when she looked at me and run her hand down my cheek and cupped my jaw I steeled myself for the expected rejection; but it never came, she said yes. I was so astounded I almost forgot the ring. After demanding she repeat that simple three letter word several more times – just to make sure I had heard her correctly and this was real; I placed the ring on her finger and claimed her as mine.

My mind goes back to earlier this evening and seeing Elena dripping with one of my father's cocktails all over her and I smile at the memory. I wonder briefly what she would think now that Ana has agreed to be my wife. She had tried hard enough earlier to scare her away when she believed that she was just my girlfriend. However, because Ana knew everything she didn't believe her and gave back as good as what was sent, and it was in that moment I saw the value in being open and honest with her as it has made our relationship that much stronger. Ana hates Elena after everything I told her and I shudder as I remember how I had argued with her and told her that she wasn't an abuser but my saviour. After tonight though I see Elena for what she is now and that is a predator, and once again I realise Ana was right. She was a person who groomed and abused me and that realisation is uncomfortable and also that I was so blind to that fact for all these years when I pride myself on being able to read people and their motives. I was always so grateful to her for helping me get my shit together, I held her up as some kind of saviour much like Grace and that thought now sickens me as I see our relationship for what it really was. Now I see that although superficially she helped me see things clearly, it was nothing but abuse and which caused more problems for me than it solved, and even when our physical relationship came to an end she still managed to manipulate and control me under the guise of friendship.

Ana's question to me has gone through my head a number of times tonight after the altercation with Elena. 'Who in their right minds would take a fifteen year old boy and introduce him to a BDSM lifestyle?' Who indeed. I was ripe for the picking though, I was angry and out of control and my parents had no idea what to do with me.

My perfect parents wealthy, professional and well respected. They worked hard for their positions in Seattle society but I do sometimes wonder if only they had only been around a little bit more as I grew up. Yes I grew to learn that I had a secure, safe, clean home and nobody would ever hurt me here and there would always be enough to eat and drink and I would always be warm. Yes Grace saved me, there is no doubt about that and I owe her everything for it. I hate to think what I would've become had she not agreed to take me in and adopt me as I know full well older children are not the most desirable candidates for adoption. So I will always be grateful to her and my father for making that decision. But on the other hand she also worked throughout my childhood, as did my father and I have these underlying negative thoughts that they never really addressed any of my issues. I feel guilty and ungrateful for feeling that way as they did everything they could and I was sent to therapist after therapist but all I really wanted was a mother who was there for me.

I start to think about my father; Carrick Grey respected litigator and head of our household growing up. We have always had a strained relationship, by the very fact he was male terrified me when I first came to live with them. It took me years to trust that he wouldn't hurt me and even now I prefer to shake his hand rather than allow him to hug me. He was so proud when I got my shit together. I know he was one step away from sending me to military school, but then I turned it round and got into Harvard. He was so proud of me that day when we got the confirmation letter… and yet, I can't help but think it was more about the bragging rights for him to say he had a Harvard graduate son. I had spent so much time in his home office being berated for my behaviour and him telling me repeatedly that he was ashamed of me and the way I was acting that to suddenly hear that he was suddenly so proud of me raised my suspicions rather than made me happy. That suspicion grew and was confirmed for me when I dropped out and the anger and disappointment I had thrown at me when I told him. He was angry at me because I had taken away those bragging rights. His words cut me to the quick I remember them clearly, how I was such a disappointment and how he had thought I had turned my life around but here I was again doing something monumentally stupid, didn't I realise what I was throwing away. How stupid I was being for believing I could do this and the best one and the one for me which confirmed everything, not everyone gets the opportunity to study and graduate from Harvard.

When I explained I was starting my own company he had actually laughed in my face and told me my company would fail within twelve months, but I wanted to prove him wrong and I smile as I think how I did just that. I was a machine and worked night and day and in the first year not only did GEH _not_ fail but I had paid back Elena the money she had lent me with interest. After two years I had made my first million and after three I was the country's youngest billionaire and sensation in the business world, and my father's bragging rights were restored with my success and his previous disappointment and stinging words forgotten... by him at least.

I push all these ungrateful and selfish thoughts from my mind. It is ridiculous of me to even think all that, I have no right to be bitter, as they only wanted what was best for me. Carrick and Grace didn't _have_ to adopt me; their lives would've been significantly easier if they hadn't. I should be getting on my knees and thanking them for giving a shit about me, as god knows I don't deserve it.

I am pulled from my musings as I feel Ana stumble and I instinctively reach for her.

"Ok baby?" I ask as I react and grab her arm.

"Yes, I'm fine my heel just sank into the grass" she says with a giggle.

"Come here, hop on" I say and I crouch in front of her. She giggles again and the sound makes my heart swell even more and I feel her clamber onto my back, I really love that sound.

I grab her and rise to my feet, "Hold tight" I warn and I feel her arms tighten around me.

We make our way back to the house and it sounds quiet now, everyone has gone and the party has ended. I see a light on in the kitchen and so I know someone is still up and so I head towards it.

Ana giggles again "What's so funny?" I ask.

"Just thinking… I had this thought that you were my gallant knight offering to carry me when I stumbled, but at this moment you are more like his horse!" she snorts and giggles again and I can't help but be captivated by her silly infectious amusement.

I shake my head, "You are comparing me to a horse" I say with mock sternness and she giggles again.

"A very nice horse" she says and then she dissolves into another fit of giggles and buries her face into my neck and kisses me.

We are both laughing as I push open the back door, and I bend slightly so that she doesn't bang her head on the door frame.

"Mind your head baby" I say between the laughter. I crouch and she slides off my back and pats my head.

"Good horsey" she says and she dissolves into another fit of giggles. I don't hesitate and grab her up into my arms and press her against the wall, she squeals and then wraps herself around me as I press her against the wall with my body.

I stiffen as I hear an insistent cough behind me.

I turn and see my parents watching us. I let Ana go and she quietens and slips her hand into mine.

"Is everything alright?" I ask coolly. I don't like the look on my father's face one bit and it has set me on edge.

"We need to talk" he says grimly and his eyes rest on the ring on Ana's finger. I had confided in them that I was going to propose tonight so it is not unexpected. I watch as he pulls out a chair at the breakfast table. My mother touches his arm and moves towards the table and sits down.

He gestures for me to sit down and then turns his attention to Ana. "Ana would you mind giving us a few moments with Christian?" he says.

I grip Ana's hand tightly as she nods a goes to pull away.

"No, whatever you want to say you can say in front of my fiancée, we have no secrets" I state stubbornly as I tighten my grip on Ana. I hear my mother gasp and her eyes fly to Ana's finger. She stands and walks around the table and pulls Ana into a warm hug. Congratulating her and welcoming her into the family. I smile I can always rely on my mother to do the right thing.

I pull out a chair for her and gently retrieving her from my mother I shepherd her into it. She sits down looking at her fingers and I feel my anger rising as my father hasn't yet said a word he is just glaring at her. I realise immediately that his behaviour is making her uncomfortable and it stirs all my protective instincts towards her. I sit down beside her and wrap my arm around her.

"Your place is by my side," I say firmly and she looks up at me and smiles. I watch as my words fill her with confidence and she nods.

I return my attention to my father, "What is this all about?" I spit and I feel Ana touch my hand, her small hand covers my now balled fist and it calms me slightly.

"We don't want you to get the wrong idea Christian" my mother begins warily.

"So why don't you enlighten me" I say sardonically.

I watch my father stiffen and he clears his throat before he begins to speak, "We both only want what is best for you, but this needs to be addressed after what you told us earlier and which now appears to have come to fruition. Everything seems to have happened so quickly so we need to restore a bit of common sense and sanity. We only have your best interests at heart, we are so proud of you and what you have built so we would hate to see…" my father trails off and shuffles in his seat and then he glances at Ana and at that moment it hits me what this is about, oh my god he wants to talk about a pre-nup. I look at my mom and she can't meet my eyes, what the hell?! I feel my fist clench as I try and control my rising anger.

I instinctively reach for Ana as I am having difficulty controlling my temper and I need her to calm me as only she manages to do and as I look at her I am actually shocked by what I see, her demeanour has totally changed. Gone is the nervous and innocent woman beside me and now sitting there is someone completely different.

"You think I'm a gold digger" she states looking directly at my father.

My mother immediately shakes her head, "No I don't Ana, I believe you are the best thing that ever happened to my son… you misunderstand" she stammers, but tellingly my father doesn't say a word.

Ana smiles at my mother and then looks at my father, the smile vanishing "But you do" she states.

My father shuffles again, "I am a lawyer and I see the more unpalatable aspects of life. My son is clearly besotted with you and it has clouded his judgement, so as his father it is my duty to make him see sense and reason".

I feel my anger rising even further and I go to stand up but Ana's arm shoots out and touches me, she looks straight at me willing me to stay quiet.

"I've got this" she says calmly and I sit down again.

She looks at me and bites her lip, "Christian I am sorry for what I am about to say but it has been something which has been bothering me for as long as I have known you and this seems to be the perfect opportunity for me to voice it. After everything you have told me, everything I have worked out for myself and everything I have witnessed with my own two eyes since I have been with you I feel it is something which needs to be said and as your fiancée and the person who you want to spend the rest of your life with I feel I have the right to say it. However, if when I have finished you decide that I didn't have that right I will accept that and take the consequences of my actions accordingly, but please know this I only say this because I love you with all my heart".

I nod acknowledging what she has said and I sit back giving her the sign that I won't interrupt. She smiles reassuringly at me and reaches for my hand and I willingly take hers in mine.

She turns towards my father and the smile vanishes and a steely expression fills her face.

"Mr Grey, first of all I want to make it crystal clear I will sign whatever you want me to. I find it insulting but also sadly understandable that you believe I am gold digger. However, you don't know me and considering the fact you also don't even truly even know your own son I will let that insult slide".

I watch my father's mouth drop open and he stares at her in shock not quite believing what she has just said. Ana ignores me and continues to directly address my father.

"I also want to make it totally clear that don't want Christian for his wealth and what he has; I love the man he is and _not_ what he has. I would quite happily live in a cardboard box with him. I was not brought up to be materialistic and quite frankly I find wealth pretentious and vulgar. Christian, the man behind the vast wealth, the man I fell in love with is neither of those things. Yes he has built a vast empire and has more money and resources than anyone really needs but I dismiss them as insignificant as they do not concern me. They are none of my business… but they obviously concern you" she pauses and looks at my father thoughtfully.

"You have also just insulted your own son by saying he isn't thinking clearly and while I have dismissed your insult towards me I won't let that one slide. I put it to you that it is _you_ who isn't thinking clearly Mr Grey. You are afraid, and _your_ fear is clouding _your_ judgment. As I have already said you really don't know your son at all; all you can see is the wealthy influential businessman who gives you the bragging rights to walk around Seattle and bask in the light which Christian's hard work and success has afforded you. Carrick Grey… he's the father to one of the youngest and most successful businessmen in the United States. He must be so proud. The thing is… you weren't so proud and so supportive when he quit Harvard were you? You didn't say ok son, whatever makes you happy we support you. No you threw a hissy fit and told him that his business would fail within the year and you essentially you washed your hands of him, I know this because Christian told me".

"How dare you…" my father splutters.

Ana holds up her hand "Please don't interrupt it's rude and I've not finished. I dare because I love him, and what I am saying is true and you know it. You were more worried about the fact your son was quitting Harvard, depriving you of the bragging rights of saying you had a Harvard graduate as a son. You were unconcerned or possibly ignorant about the fact he was unhappy there and that he found the work too easy and boring and so he felt he could achieve more outside in the real world. You didn't as a loving father should, support that decision and encourage him to follow his dreams. You were just disappointed because he had taken away your bragging rights of having a Harvard graduate in the family".

I am staring at Ana open mouthed not only for the way she has fearlessly put my father in his place and voiced everything I have ever thought but also because I had no idea she felt this way; I remember telling her about that time in my life when I had opened up and told her everything and explained the strained and sometimes awkward relationship between myself and my father. But after my own thoughts earlier I totally agree with her and I realise in this moment just how much she loves me, she has taken in everything I have told her and she has listened carefully and along with everything she has witnessed has come to her own conclusions and now she is defending me. I listen carefully wondering where she is going with this but I know I'm not going to interrupt her. I feel an odd emotion running through me and I realise… I feel… cherished. She is standing up for me and in her own way protecting me, because she loves me. I panic slightly as I feel unworthy of that level of devotion but I push it down and continue to listen to her.

Ana smiles, "So, getting back to the point Mr Grey… I will sign anything you want but it would be a pointless exercise as I would never claim anything of Christian's that I wasn't entitled to and didn't have a hand in building. His wealth is his and his alone and… god forbid _if_ anything should happen between us and we part…" she pauses as I take in a sharp breath at that, the panic rising once more. She looks at me and squeezes my hand reassuringly.

"I stress _if_, because I have no intention of ever letting this man go" she adds looking straight at me as she says it which immediately calms me.

"I would make no claim on any of it. His wealth would remain intact…" she pauses and then lets out a small snort of derisive laughter, "as would your bragging rights" she adds bitterly.

I am astounded and so is my father, I quickly pull myself together and stand up.

"So if that is everything" I say as I wrap my arm around Ana. I am feeling an odd mixture of emotions I am royally pissed at my father for even suggesting a pre-nup he had clearly been thinking about this before Ana had even agreed to marry me and all it has done is make me regret confiding my plans to him. On the other hand I am also feeling something else, something much more primal I am so aroused right now after that little speech from Ana and I just want to bury myself inside her.

My father quickly recovers and points at the seat again. "Sit down Christian we still have other things to talk about. Your mother has told me some disturbing things this evening about events that happened earlier" he turns towards Ana, "and you seemed to be aware of them" he adds.

I sit down and I feel like a bucket of cold water has just been poured over me. I glance at Ana and once again she gives me a look as if to say 'I've got this' and she squeezes my hand reassuringly again and then she returns her attention back to my father.

"Yes I knew, he told me everything but even before he told me I had some idea of the abuse he had endured. It was obvious by the way he behaved, I was just not totally aware of the full extent of it. You see… I was aware because I used my eyes and I have seen the _real _Christian Grey, the vulnerable man behind the facade of the arrogant and powerful businessman" she says coldly.

I hear my mother gasp at this and her hand flies to her mouth. I shift in my seat; I'm not comfortable with the direction this is going. Ana seems to sense it and looks at me. The love in her eyes overwhelms me.

"They need to know the whole truth" she says quietly, "and they also need to know how invested I am in you… in us, so they need to know what I know… they need to know what you told me" she says.

I take a sharp breath in and then I nod once. Now that my mother has opened her mouth to my father about Elena and the revelations earlier I know he won't let this go until he finds out everything so it is best it all comes out now, he can have his rant and we can move on however that happens. I hold on to the fact that Ana knows the truth and she is still with me regardless of it which is my only real concern. So if my parents decide to disown me when they discover what a disgusting monster I am I can accept that, but hopefully Ana will manage to bring them around.

My attention moves back to Ana as I see she is about to speak again, she seems to be considering what she wants to say and she takes a deep breath and turns slightly and looks at my mother as well as my father.

"As I have said I have seen the _real _Christian Grey, the vulnerable man. The man who is so consumed with self doubt and self loathing he believes wholeheartedly that he is not worthy of my love. The man who couldn't believe it when I agreed to marry him, so he asked me to repeat the word yes five times" she pauses and smiles at that memory. Then the smile fades as she carries on.

"He believes he is not worthy of his place within his own family and he feels incapable of accepting love, through that fear and self loathing. He honestly doesn't believe he has a place with you, which is why he has distanced himself from you all…" she pauses and shakes her head sadly and I see a tear escape her eye and trickle down her cheek, "…he is the man who has such profound abandonment issues that he suffers nightmares when I don't sleep beside him and who panics when I leave the room without telling him because he believes I am leaving him" she adds quietly.

She pauses and takes a shot look at me and then looks at my parents coolly. "I believe these are thoughts which all his life you two have unconsciously compounded making him easy pickings for that paedophile to get her hands on. She told him what he needed to hear and at that point in time to him, she was a panacea for everything that was wrong in his life. She made him see the world clearly for the first time and so he naturally grabbed it with both hands, but sadly he was too young and immature to realise she wasn't helping him at all or doing it for good reasons. She was doing it because she was an evil predator who got her kicks out of abusing young boys both sexually and physically". Ana pauses, she's not shouting she is speaking quietly and there is a sad note to her voice almost as if she regrets saying this… why?

Then I realise, she thinks that what she is saying will turn me against her and that I will defend my parents and end us. I hesitate… will I? Could I do that? Up to this point I agree with everything she is saying. I continue to listen, wondering what is coming next. I won't have her insulting my mother, Grace saved me she didn't have to give me a home but she did. I was the little shit; I was the fuck up who ruined their lives and who has never been grateful for what they did for me because I selfishly needed more from them. I wait and listen as she continues.

She turns towards my mother. "When Christian first came to you he was a traumatised little boy he had been in an unspeakably horrendous situation and he had witnessed and endured things no child should ever see or physically endure and on top of that he was grieving for his mother who he had watched die. His levels of grief and trauma were so great that he was unable to talk and he was afraid of being touched due to the physical abuse he had endured. The only touch he knew and understood was abuse and pain so naturally he assumed that was the norm, am I correct?" she stops and waits and my mother nods.

Ana nods back, "You are agreeing with me Grace, so knowing that I have that right I have questions about what happened after Christian came to you. When you adopted Mia, Christian began to talk and he started to come out of his shell and tolerated Mia's touch, is that correct?" she asks mildly.

My mother nods again, "yes, his first word was Mia" she says and she smiles at the memory.

Ana nods and sits a little straighter, "Then I have to ask you why didn't you build on the huge leap of progress he made when Mia came into the home and use it to help him overcome his issues?" she asks. I stare at her wide eyed and so does my mother.

Ana takes a shot look at me and then takes a deep breath, "You said yourself his first word was Mia, and her very presence brought about an end to his silence. That was a massive step forward for him. Then there is the fact he tolerated her touch and to this day she can touch him anywhere on his body. That was one of the first things I noticed, as at that point I wasn't allowed to touch him; so why didn't you encourage that progress and build on it? Use it by showing him that touch was not something to be afraid of and that it was not only a little baby's touch that was safe but anyone's. You didn't do that though; you compounded his fear and reinforced it by 'respecting his boundaries'". I watch as she holds up her fingers in air quotes. I think about what she is saying and something seems to click with me and I lean forward desperate for her to continue as this is making more and more sense to me.

Ana hesitates and then continues, "I admit at the start you needed to gain his trust and get him to learn that he wouldn't come to any harm in your presence, to learn that he was safe. I get that, you needed to take things slowly. You couldn't just go barging in there and invading his space and touching him as that would've freaked him out completely; but you are a paediatrician Grace, so surely you would've known how do it gradually? Once you had gained that trust why didn't you help him overcome his phobia instead of reinforcing it?" she asks the question politely and simply, she is not being confrontational or accusing she is simply asking why and I look at mother, as I think about it… why didn't she?

My mother stares at her, her mouth hanging open. "I… I…" she says.

My father steps in angrily, "Don't you dare point the finger of blame at my wife, we did everything we could for him we sent him to therapist after therapist to try and help him" he splutters.

Ana smiles sadly and shakes her head, "And once again we return to the money… you spent money on therapists, instead of investing time and effort into your son, spending time with him and helping him yourselves. You gave the job of helping him come to terms with a horrific time to someone else and they failed because he was afraid and didn't trust them. He didn't have trust in these strangers to help him why should he? It was your place as his parents to help him and lay the groundwork for the therapist to build on, not to simply palm him off on to strangers and expect them to do all the work".

"We both had demanding careers dear" my mother says.

Ana shrugs, "In which case you shouldn't have adopted a little boy with such profound, complex issues and problems if you didn't have the time to fully focus on healing him" she says bluntly and both my parents gasp at that blunt assessment.

I want to argue with her and defend them... but I can't because I realise everything she is saying is right, and she is echoing my own thoughts and if I am honest she is voicing the inner turmoil and resentment I have felt all my life, which I have felt guilty for feeling. I am officially astounded by her perception and I continue to listen quietly as she continues.

"He felt unworthy of his place in the family, he felt a level of gratitude towards you for saving him but he never felt a part of the family and that in turn made him feel guilty and unworthy. Maybe that was because you didn't invest the time and energy _he _needed into helping him fully overcome his issues… which now leads us on to Elena. The way I see it is she was the first person who offered him any sort of real solution, in his mind she was the first person who was willing to invest time and energy into helping him. He was a teenager rapidly spiralling out of control, He had unresolved touch issues, feelings of not belonging to the family he was in, feelings of not being worthy of the family he was in _and_ on top of all that he was going through puberty. He must have been going through hell. Did you ever stop and think about that fact? He told me how exasperated you both were with him and his brawling, and how you repeatedly told him how disappointed you were in him, did you ever just stop and think what that would do to him, how that would compound his feelings of self loathing, and facilitate the vicious cycle he was in. Did you never stop to consider _why_ he was behaving the way he was and the turmoil he must have been going through?" she looks at my mother again.

"If I can see it why couldn't you? You are a trained paediatrician so you know the effect puberty has on children, the intense emotions and huge rush of hormones and how it affects people. Imagine what it was like for Christian dealing with that along with all his other issues, his body was changing and he was becoming sexually aware and having all the feelings associated with that. Yet he was unable to do all the normal things teenage boys do because of his fear of being touched. You should've realised with your training that he was struggling and his anti social behaviour was his way of screaming out for help. You could argue you were too close to the situation, but your training as a health professional should've helped in some way?" she pauses and holds up her hand.

"Don't get me wrong, I don't condone what he did. From what he told me he was totally out of control, but he was messed up and he was lashing out. You could argue that if you had helped him overcome his haphephobia before he hit puberty he wouldn't have got as out of control as he did, but on the other hand he had and still has so many unresolved issues from his formative years that point is debateable; but the fact is Elena got her hands on him and the result was superficially miraculous. He stopped brawling and drinking and he turned his life around completely. But that leads on to even more questions as far as I can see because you never stopped to consider _why __he changed so suddenly and dramatically_. You never questioned _why _there was such a sudden and profound change in him. I think if I was his mother that would be the first thing I would look into. I think if my son's personality suddenly and dramatically altered completely I would want to find out why and what had caused it… and yet you didn't you just accepted it… Or were you just so relieved and pleased he wasn't an embarrassment anymore that you didn't care what had brought about the changes?" she pauses and my mother gasps.

Ana shakes her head regrettably, "I'm sorry, I don't mean to sound accusing, and I do know that paedophiles are by nature secretive and manipulative and parents can be unaware of what is going on under their very noses and they also manipulate the child they are abusing into silence but Christian's behaviour changed so dramatically from one extreme to the other… surely you noticed it and wondered what had brought about the change?" she pauses again and my mother nods sadly, but my father is just glaring angrily at Ana.

Ana shrugs, "But it happened and he got into the hands of a paedophile who sexually abused him and beat him. She introduced him to a lifestyle which until very recently he believed saved him, but which in reality just turned his anger inward and made him even more volatile. It turned him into a cold closed off person and made him unable to deal with any extreme emotions. There were enough red flags in that to surely see that the miraculous turn around in him should've been questioned and more closely examined, but they weren't and as a result he lost his teenage years to a paedophile which stunted his emotional growth, the result of which I am seeing".

"What is this lifestyle you are talking about?" my father asks and I stiffen.

Ana looks at me questioningly and I nod again just once, giving her my permission to tell them.

"BDSM" she says simply.

"What?" My mother gasps.

Ana turns towards her, "BDSM – Bondage and Discipline (BD), Dominance and Submission (DS), and Sadism and Masochism (SM)" she states calmly.

I watch as the colour drains from my parents faces.

"Basically speaking Elena tied me up and beat me, it was the carrot and stick approach" I say speaking for the first time. "She was my Dominant and I was her submissive. I had to give her total control over me. She wanted to know everything I had done at school if I was bad she punished me if I was good she rewarded me" I say.

"Rewarded?" my father asks.

I shrug, "Sex" I say dismissively.

"Oh my god" my mother says.

I look at my mother carefully "Please don't ask me for any more detail than that" I say quietly.

"If you Google it, it is quite eye opening" Ana states sardonically and I stiffen. I look at her with raised eyebrows and she looks apologetically at me, "sorry" she says quietly and she reaches for my hand.

"Did… did you do this with him?" Grace asks Ana as it registers with her what Ana has just said.

I stiffen again, and Ana shakes her head. "No, he wanted to as it was all he knew and when we met he wanted me to do it with him, but I refused to sign his contract and I said no… I didn't like the idea of someone having total control over me and a set of rules to abide by and arbitrary punishments if I broke them. I even left him at one point over it, so no that lifestyle is not for me" she says.

"Contract?" my father asks and I sigh.

"Any woman I contracted as a sub I got to sign a contract so there was no ambiguity, it clearly stated what I was prepared to do and what my expectations as her Dom were and it also clearly listed what her limits and what she was prepared to do were and that everything we did do was consensual" I say.

"Dom?" my mother asks.

"Dominant" I say. "As I already said when I was with Elena I was her submissive she was my Dominant, she had total control over me, down to what I ate and wore. When I got my shit together I decided I wanted to switch and be the Dominant so Elena trained me…" I stop and look down at my hands and Ana places hers on top of mine. "Although most of the time she was topping from the bottom" I add quietly, almost to myself.

"And you don't do this anymore?" my mother asks after a few moments awkward silence.

I shake my head, "No, Ana showed me another way; she showed me love and affection. She showed me I didn't need it. She is slowly helping me overcome my fear of touch and she is making me want to be a better man" I say as I look lovingly at Ana. "When she left me it made me realise I needed her more than I ever needed the lifestyle" I add.

There is another lengthy silence. Then my mother suddenly stands and pulls Ana up into her arms.

"You are the one who saved my son, and everything you have said is right. I was too close to the situation and couldn't see what I should've done, or what was under my nose all the time. I can only thank you for coming into his life and showing him a better way and healing him" she says.

I swallow hard; she is clearly feeling guilty for this and I that is the last thing I want.

"Grace, Elena was your friend and confidant; she used you as much as she used Christian. You trusted her why would you even think she would do that to your son. What you told her about Christian she used against him, to groom him and manipulate him. It's how abusers operate and how they manage to do what they do without detection" Ana says.

I step forward and wrap my arm around Ana, and look at my mother. "Mom, I think Ana has spoken the uncomfortable truth that has been unspoken for years and… I admit… she has voiced many of my own feelings and opinions, which I have had all my life".

My mother gasps in shock but I hold up my hand. "But now it's all out in the open I think we should use what has been said tonight and build on it. Built something positive now that it is all out there… I'd like… I'd really like it if you were to come with me for some joint sessions with John…? If you'd like to, so we can work through this as the last thing I want is for you to feel any level of guilt, we can and build on it, make something positive out of it… what do you say?" I ask hopefully.

I watch as my mother considers this and nods enthusiastically.

"Yes definitely, I'll do whatever it takes" she says.

I glance at my father, he is sitting stony faced and hasn't said a word or moved a muscle. Eventually he simply stands up and looks at my mother.

"I'm going to bed Grace" he says and without another word he turns and slowly walks from the room.

I feel a pang of hurt and it must show on my face as Ana grips my hand and I feel my mother's hand on my arm, "Give him time darling, he just needs to process all this" she says quietly.

I nod curtly, "I'll give him that as long as he apologises to Anastasia regarding his comments on the pre-nup" I say coldly.

My mother nods, "I'll tell him… but he really did only have your best interests at heart, even though he probably went about it the wrong way" she says.

I shake my head adamantly, "No pre-nup" I say firmly.

My mother nods, "alright, look I'm going to go to bed now so I'll say goodnight to you both. I also have a lot to digest and come to terms with" she says quietly.

I nod, "goodnight mom" I say quietly.

She smiles sadly at me, "goodnight Christian" she turns to Ana and purposely gives her a hug letting her know there is no hard feelings for everything she said tonight, "goodnight Ana and thank you for everything you have done for Christian" she adds.

I wrap my arm around Ana, the more I think about everything she said the more I realise she was totally spot on, it was uncomfortable to hear but I also believe it needed to be said and I couldn't be prouder of my girl right now or love her any more than I do at this moment.

"Come on baby… lets go to bed" I say quietly.

Ana slips her hand into mine and we make our way upstairs to bed.

**oooOOOooo**

_One month later…_

"…I now pronounce you husband and wife".

I lift the veil and pulling Ana close to me I devour her, she is my wife. Anastasia Rose Grey. I feel myself getting harder by the moment as I think about that and her name rolls round my head.

"My wife" I say quietly to her as I pull her even closer, "Mine" I add possessively.

She grips my shoulders, "Yours" she whispers back.

We make our way to the marquee for the reception. My mother has done us proud, as I look around the lavish surroundings. I feel a hand on my shoulder I turn and my father is standing there.

"Congratulations son" he says and I can hear the emotion in his voice. He hesitates and so I make the move.

"Thanks dad" I say as I wrap my arm around his shoulder, he reciprocates and embraces me albeit slightly awkwardly.

This is the closest we have ever been and all that is down to my remarkable wife and those comments and opinions she was brave enough to voice that night. After my dad had got over the shock and he had thought about everything Ana had said, he admitted that she was right. We had all sat down together and decided to build on what was said and both my mother and father have been coming with me for joint sessions with John and also having sessions with him on their own and slowly as a result of that we are building a stronger relationship and although it is still early days we have never been as close as we are right now.

I watch my father embrace Ana, he had apologised for the pre-nup comments and now that unpleasantness has been forgotten and we have moved on. I take a moment to really think about that night. Ana had risked her entire relationship with me. She had no idea how I would react to what she was saying I could quite easily have taken my parents side and it could've ended us but she did it regardless of her own happiness because she believed that it needed to be said and that it was what was best for me and that floors me. I still feel unworthy of the level of love she has for me but I am also working on that with John along with all my other fifty shades of fucked-upness.

I will do whatever it takes to be the man of her dreams, as it is no more than she deserves as she is certainly the woman of mine.

**THE END**


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